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by The_super_ace



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love, M/M, fluff near the end, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_super_ace/pseuds/The_super_ace
Summary: He's thought about going back. Victor knows he can't go back, and it's not like he wants too after what's happened and who he's found. AU where Russia is still anti LGBT and Victor reflects on what he's done and where he's been.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I'm going to write another chapter related to this or not but the idea kinda struck me late one night for this. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, feedback is welcomed.

He's thought about it once or twice. Going back, that is. He can't of course, he knows that well enough. He wouldn't make it a day if he did. The moment he left the doors of the airport alone, he'd be a target. And maybe he wouldn't be in extreme danger right away but it would escalate, he's seen it happen. 

He can't go back, and he doesn't want to.

It might have been his home once, but the happiness is so real and so much it makes even most of the memories from there seem gray. 

He stared out at the city glowing with late night lights from the window of their hotel room. The sounds of the city did not quiet reach them up here. He could see the people still out walking on the sidewalks so many stories below them, blissfully unaware of him. 

“Vicktor Nikiforov is dead.” that voice echoes in his mind, as it has since Yuri first said those words. He's right in more ways than one. 

To Russia, he's nobody now. Maybe they would talk about his skating, the remarkable waste of talent, the years and years he skated and poured his soul into his work only to throw it all away for some foreign boy. 

The friends he used to have, because they were friends once, they won't want anything to do with him now. There is nothing waiting for him back there, nothing compared to his place here. 

Somehow, it still hurts. 

Maybe it's because it's Yuri who said it, maybe it's because he'd had that stupid, foolish, childish wish that things would change. 

He had always been full of childish ideas, that's what his mother had always told him. 

He doesn't want to think too hard about it. Not that still dull ache in his chest when he remembers the 'family' he had. He doesn't understand.

When he was young, he never thought he'd find something so pure and blissful. Everything he knew told him he was wrong, a freak, a mistake until he poured his longing and sorrow and fear into his performance. 

Then he was a prodigy. A hero, a prized athlete. 

He became somebody.

He'll miss the ice but he'd give all of that up a thousand times over if he can keep this happiness and warmth he's found. His skating was the outlet for all those overflowing feelings, all the thoughts of being wrong, disgusting, they all disappeared when he was on the ice. 

There he had been king. He'd won the hearts of millions and he'd been praised and idolized but so god damn empty. 

He felt hollow and carved of ice himself, denying any true emotion in case it was the wrong one. 

Then the fateful banquet happened. He'd danced ridiculously and laughed loud and shamelessly and he lived, breathing air and life into his body like he'd never remembered doing before, not since he was a child too young to understand the differences between him and others. 

For a moment, it was not him against the world it was him being a part of a beautiful, carefree world. 

And when Yuuri Katsuki held onto him it felt like his heart would burst out of his chest and his feet would never touch the ground again and nothing he had ever felt could explain that. 

Those long months after the banquet left him feeling more hollow, more hopeless than ever. He was freezing from the inside out. 

He never wanted to feel that way again. 

The light glinted off the ring on his finger, and he held it up to examine it again. It made his heart flutter. It filled him with such fierce warmth he knew, somehow this is exactly where he was meant to be. 

He never thought he'd be happy, let alone married. He'd never even dared to dream of something so far from his reach. It was the one 'childish' hope he forced himself to never acknowledge. Even now, staring at that ring he felt like this was all some illusion. 

Sometimes, he still felt the fear. His hands still shake when Yuuri intertwines their fingers, his breath still hitches when Yuuri shows him casual affection, running fingers through his hair or standing closer to him on the street; intimate things that he does seemingly without thinking about them. 

They still scare him sometimes, and at some point, he realized this fear was no longer for himself but for Yuuri. Yuuri did not grow up with the hate, the loathing as he did, he did not build an armor to shield himself from those kinds of words. 

All Yuuri seemed to know was love. 

The tears started without him noticing, but they refused to stop falling. Years of denial and fear and emptiness pouring out of him as if too make room for that wonderful warmth and feeling of safety. The hurt of lost potential friends and the lingering sting of leaving the family who could never really love him. All of it swirled inside of him at once and he could do nothing but let the tears fall. 

“Victor?” The sleepy voice drifted from the bed behind him, confusion laced in the sound. 

“I didn't wake you, did I?” He asked softly, voice wavering slightly as he tried once more to reign in his emotions. 

“What's wrong?”

Victor was silent for a long moment, turning to stare at the still half-asleep Yuuri. His messy hair sticking up at odd angles, his eyes shining with tired concern and the blankets pooled around his hips as he sat up in the bed; To Victor, he looked like the most beautiful person in the world.

“Nothing. I'm just so Happy.” 

He smiled, wiping away his tears, and made his way over to the bed. The other lifted the sheets up to allow him into the bed and immediately latched on to the older man. 

“Love you, Victor.” He whispered, and Victor could feel his heart soar. He would never tire of hearing those words. 

“I love you, Yuuri.” He whispered, pressing his lips to the top of Yuuri's head, listening to his breath steady.

He wouldn't leave this for anything in the world. 

He might be nobody in Russia now, but it didn't matter at all because Yuuri Katsuki felt more like home than that entire country ever had.


End file.
